A self referential post for others

This post is for those who are reading this :Post!
When you read this post, you will know it is meant for you!

You can fool all people for some time.

You can fool some people for all the time.

But, you cannot fool all the people for all the time.

Hope that the message reaches those for whom it is meant!

That is for those poeple who are reading this post!!

You anyway are wasting your time by reading this sort of trash written by me!!!

Humans as Fermions

Humans as Fermions

* The Fermions

  Fermions are one set of fundamental particles and the other one are
  bosons. The distinguishing factor between bosons and fermions is
  that the fermions have half integral spins, whereas the boson have
  integral spins. Their names suggest that the bosons were discovered
  by S N Bose, an Indian physicist and fermions by E Fermi. Now
  another this is that the fermions follow what is known as the Pauli
  exclusion principle. That is to say you cannot have two fermions
  which have all the quantum numbers same.

The Pauli exclusion principle is a quantum mechanical principle formulated by the Austrian physicist Wolfgang Pauli in 1925. In its simplest form for electrons in a single atom, it states that no two electrons can have the same four quantum numbers; that is, if n, l, and m_l are the same, m_s must be different such that the electrons have opposite spins. More generally, no two identical fermions (particles with half-integer spin) may occupy the same quantum state simultaneously. A more rigorous statement of this principle is that for two identical fermions, the total wave function is anti-symmetric.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pauli_exclusion_principle

And electrons are fermions It is this principle which decides the electronic
  configuration in atoms. The filling up principle or the aufbau
  principle works according to the exclusion principle. So when near
  to each other the electrons will tend to have different quantum
  numbers. If all the quantum numbers are same for a given pair of
  electrons, then they must have the spins opposite. But now if a
  third electron is to be arranged in the same orbit, it simple cannot
  be accommodate; it has to go in a different orbit. So that the
  electrons behave, as if they do not like the proximity of each
  other.

* Local trains
  Now when observing humans when they are in a crowded environment
  like a local train in Mumbai, I feel that the humans do behave
  exactly like fermions. That is to say that they do not like the
  proximity of each other, just like the electron do not like
  proximity of each other in the electronic orbits. I have observed
  this many a times in the local trains. Usually the trains are very
  crowded. Even to get a position to stand comfortably is a privilege,
  especially in the peak hours.

  When you board the train at the starting station like the VT, then
  what follows is closely analogous to filling up of the electronic
  orbitals in the atom. The seats that are usually taken first are the
  window seats. In the atom it would correspond to the first filling
  of the principal quantum number. In the window seats also the
  preference is to the seats for the windows which face the incoming
  air, that is facing towards the direction of travel.

  Then the seats are filled in the order of least occupancy. People
  want to sit at the seats which are least occupied. Normally the
  seats can take 3 people, and 4 with a bit of difficulty. But the
  norm is that 4 people are seated on a single seat. Once all the seats
  are filled up to 4 occupants, then people tend to stand in between
  the seats. The analogy does not extend to the people who are
  standing at the doors, there it is more like an ensemble of free
  particles, which are jumping in and out of the compartments.

  So coming back to the seating arrangements what I have observed is
  that once the seats are filled with 4 occupants. That is the maximum
  that our 'seat' orbital can take. The rest are occupied in between
  states. They are like virtual states, ready to jump into the empty
  seats as soon as one gets empty.

* The Law of 3 
  Lets assume that the people standing in between are like the
  electron sea in metals. Now lets assume a situation in which there
  are a few people who are standing in between seats and all the seats
  are seated by 4 people. Now lets see what happens when one of the
  person who is sitting stands up to get off the train. As soon as the
  seat gets empty, one of the persons who is standing goes to fill in
  the empty seat. As more and more people get off, the people who are
  standing take up their seats. Finally we reach a state when there
  are no more people who left are standing. Now all the seats have
  four seated occupants. Now if a single person gets up. There is one
  seat with just three people, but people don't tend to move to that
  seat. It just not worth the effort, by going from a 4 seated seat
  again to a 4 seated seat, you don't gain much. So you remain seated
  where ever you are. But if you are one of the people who are seated
  on the seat where the person just left from, you surely feel
  relieved.
 
  Now let us try to visualize the situation if 2 people from a single
  seat leave off. Two people leaving from 2 different seats will not
  help. It has to be 2 people who were seated on the same seat. After
  this what we have is that, there is a seat where only 2 people are
  seated and rest of the seats have 4 people seating on them. As soon
  as this happens, a person from a 4 seater, will try to get to the 2
  seater seat. This results in two 3 seater seats, whereas the rest
  are 4 seaters. Even more if 3 people from the same seat go away, the
  resulting changing of seats by people results in maximizing the
  number of 3 seater seats. This is the law of behavior of people in a
  local train ;). I call it the Law of 3. This just also touches on
  the idea of what is called in psychology as personal space. We
  are comfortable only within a certain distance from each other. And
  make it a point to bring this into existence we make the movements.

  Well this is just a vague analogy, to the actual behavior of the
  fermions is much more involved, but nonetheless the analogy is worth
  observing.

Anonymous Stranger

Last month I has a strange experience with a anonymous stranger.
I call the person anonymous is because the identity of that person is not known to me. I received a SMS which has some riddle like lines..
This led to an exchange of SMS which I am reporting here.
This is a monologue, which some people in the past have accused me of doing, for the reason that `Save sent msgs' function is disabled on my phone. So feel free to fill in the in between SMS on my side, where you want to

It all started with these two messages from this number 902856xxxx
[The numbers at the beginning are YEAR:MONTH:DAY:HOURS:MINUTES]


2010:04:14:00:46: Yews over unwilling. Restless elated yet. Elated sumer amply relumes each..
2010:04:14:16:36: Each Not Chancing His Arrival Not To Ingenuity Not Green

I tried to call, then  all other SMS came from this number, when 909612xxxx

2010:04:14:20:31: Dont dont dont call.. Look what happens when you do.. Now i have to text you from this number..
2010:04:15:20:35: so i assume you could not decipher the first two text s code
2010:04:16:21:15: Ok lets take it this way.. If you dont want me to text give me a missed and if you want dont react.. I highly suspect we have the prevalence of the former here.. So please go ahead..
2010:04:16:22:05: You know you are like pepin but of course in only your stubborn and nonchalant ways..
2010:04:17:09:41: Finally.. Not that i know what s m means but still its porgress.. Did you decode?
2010:04:17:09:47: Attitude.. It like it.. Infact i think you should patent it.. For obvious  reasons you know..
2010:04:17:10:01: Ok now amit s again become pepin.. Tell me are my text so loathable or its just you..
2010:04:17:11:27: Ok so my texts are not good and you are intended upon talking in monosyllables.. At least we agree on one thing.. Its progress again..
2010:04:17:14:07: didnt intend upon disturbin bt i texted n it ws nt deleverin so i thought i hav troubled u 2 d extend of switchin off ur phone..wanted 2 ask if u really dont like.. I wont text.?
2010:04:17:14:11: Yea i know you want to say 'your wish'.. cos i started.. But seriously you can say bluntly..
2010:04:17:14:16: Oh regarding choice between texting or not texting or something more difficult..
2010:04:17:14:22: Ah.. Thats  what i meant by difficult.. No nothing.. Nothin at all infact.. Lets save us both some messages.. You : then why are you texting me. Me : nothing particular but i ll stop the moment you tell me to.. you: ..... Me : oks... Now you can complete..
2010:04:17:14:25: Flattered..
2010:04:17:14:25: At least pepin thinks i m worth hmmm s..
2010:04:17:14:28: Ok then.. Do think.. Do what you rmind says.. What is it saying now..
2010:04:17:14:36: Ok forget if you dont want to answer.. Or still wordless.?
2010:04:17:14:43: Come on pepin.. Ok dont try to know your mind. Its complex.. Ask me who has been trying to extract replys from you all week..
2010:04:17:14:45: Oh god.. Will you ever reply without me asking you a question..
2010:04:17:14:53: He was french dictator.. Reminds of you..
2010:04:17:14:59: Angry?
2010:04:17:15:02: Hmmm.. So you know him..
2010:04:17:15:13: Cute.. but dont know try to know him personaly.. not a nice guy..
2010:04:17:15:17: Why not.. I know all dictators personally..
2010:04:17:15:19: Ok.. Who s your ideal person.. O mean you admire the ideas of whom,, Somebody i would know..
2010:04:17:15:26: Lets see if i am a physicist if would like chandrashekhar or einstein or stephen hawking.. Read breif hostory of time? Its beautiful..
2010:04:17:15:30: Come on pepin... Say na..
2010:04:17:15:34: Khan
2010:04:17:15:38: ?
2010:04:17:15:44: Yeah y him.. He was worse than pepin.. Are you kidding..
2010:04:17:15:58: Please talk in more than one word.. Its difficult you know..
2010:04:17:16:30: Kay zhala..
2010:04:17:16:33: :-).. Am i very boring.. Yes you are interesting..
2010:04:17:16:55: That means yes?
2010:04:17:17:02: That is because you.. No first answer.. Am i really boring..
2010:04:17:17:03: Or moderately so..
2010:04:17:17:19: At least yes or no..
2010:04:17:17:24: Can you know if you ll talk to me..
2010:04:17:17:25: Did you realise this was your longest sentence
2010:04:17:17:26: No.. I m otherwise very boring.. Its better on text..
2010:04:17:17:27: Yup.. Your highness is gettin better..
2010:04:17:17:31: No.. I m otherwise very boring.. Its better on text..        
2010:04:17:17:32: Yup.. Your highness is gettin better..
2010:04:17:17:35: You feelin it.? Because for me its like.. Come on girl.. Come up with something cool..
2010:04:17:17:48: The signal is bad here.. Airtel sucks.. And what else s going on..
2010:04:17:17:50: Ok mr pepin but please say more that two words..
2010:04:17:17:51: Okay chose one.. Sea or moutain.. Orange or red.. Cat or dog..
2010:04:17:17:54: Afraid? Of what :) I have given up on studies.. How s your ph d going..
2010:04:17:17:59: No silly.. Given up means going okay okay..
2010:04:17:18:00: Y u got married..
2010:04:17:18:00: Sounding so sad like hmmm..
2010:04:17:18:02: Okay chose one.. Sea or mountain.. orange or red.. Cat or dog..
2010:04:17:18:04: Sea or moutain..
2010:04:17:18:05: Cat or dog..
2010:04:17:18:05: Yaar amit i dont know.. Y would otherwise i ask you..
2010:04:17:18:10: Ok.. You are somebosy who gets angry unexpectedly, likes travelling, loyal to very very limited people and.. Okay select one.. Eyes or nose..
2010:04:17:18:12: And think what people are from inside is more mp that what people look..
2010:04:17:18:13: .Am i correct or wrong. What percent
2010:04:17:18:24: You know this is what is unexpected.. The moment i think you are ok you become cold again.. Ok you only say since my talks are vague apparently
2010:04:17:18:27: Your game.?
2010:04:17:18:30: Cute but.. Anyways..
2010:04:17:18:32: Its just too early... And by the way mr pepin my knowing your identity is default.. And playing games.. Not my cup of tea
2010:04:17:18:33: Well you r naive.. Lets assume for the moment what you said was cute..
2010:04:17:18:35: Ok then it is.. Do you realise.. One sms includes more than sixty char nad you use just two of them.. National wastage..
2010:04:17:18:35: Ok fav author..?
2010:04:17:18:36: Coffee.?
2010:04:17:18:38: Amit say na..
2010:04:17:18:40: Say one.. You are such a spoilsport..
2010:04:17:18:45: Yeah since i am an expert on abbreviations that one beats me..
2010:04:17:18:47: Ok..
2010:04:17:18:51: Kay zhala again?
2010:04:17:19:10: So what does sm really mean
2010:04:17:19:11: No say na..
2010:04:17:19:12: Come on say na
2010:04:17:19:14: I understood that pepin.. But justified enough.. I m keeping my share of identity so you can keep your sm to yourself..
2010:04:17:19:16: No my initials are not that.. But whats that.. Where did you get it from..
2010:04:17:19:17: No ad they are not my initials..
2010:04:17:19:19: No.. Come on.. I m hidin.. Will not lie..
2010:04:17:19:21: Yeah.. I really dont know where you are getting that from but do tell me..
2010:04:17:19:21: Say na whats sm
2010:04:17:19:24: And you have appeal for..?
2010:04:17:19:25: Seriously..
2010:04:17:19:27: No not why not at all.. Cool..
2010:04:17:19:33: Kay zhaka again?
2010:04:17:19:38: Ok.. Will text you once i am in a position to disclose my identity.. Take care..


I really don't know what sense to make out of all this...

Delhi 6

I have been to the rustic lanes of Delhi 6 twice. Once when I was a kid, and other when I was a bigger kid. The other visit obviously will have lasting memories through my life. When you come out of the Chawri Bazaar metro station, which is a relic of the 21st century design, expect the unexpected. Architecture and artefacts outside the station are from another era. Time it seems has a different pace here. The experience that you get here, will be no different from when you go to the old part of any city. But the mix of tradition and modernity that you get to see in Delhi is unique.

The old walled city was established by Shahjahan, and was called Shahjahanabaad or rather 110006 as in the Postal Identification Number Code of the Indian Postal Department. People who have lived there for generations would sure have feelings about the place which I might not be able to reflect at all. For all my life I have never lived in such a locality. There are many things that interested me in this part of Delhi. Apart from historical significance it has one of the largest old book bazaars that I have ever seen. And since I am a bibliophile [see older post here], this is a "Mile long candy shop" for me.

Anyways first I came to know about Delhi 6, the film by the song Masakali [Singer: Mohit Chauhan], in which Sonam Kapoor steals the show. So immediately got the entire soundtrack. And it is amazing. While writing this review I am listening to the same sound track. Rahman, as usual has done a lot of hard work for this too. Just listen to the variety of musical styles he has used in the film and that too to the best of the songs. The other favourites are Arziyan [Singers: Javed Ali, Kailash Kher], Kala Bandar [Singers: Karthik, Naresh Iyer, Srinivas, Bony Chakravarthy] and Delhi 6 Title Track [Singers: Blaaze, Benny Dayal, Vivianne Chaix, Tanvi Shah, Claire] which proves that no genre of music is beyond Rahman. He will do music from all around the globe, still retaining his unique style. Rahman has taken music to another dimension.

So much about the music. It is defnitely one of the better contemporary OSTs that I have heard. Then came the posters and the trailers of Delhi 6. The design of the posters was also good. All this raised my expectations about the film .....

But, alas, if you have done these two, just stop there, this is the best part about the film. Rather than watching the film, I would recommend to buy the audio CD and be happy with that.

If you want to see, how a director with a good cast, good location and lots of budget can screw up, then Delhi 6 is a fine example of that. ROM short for Rakesh [oops Rakyesh] Omprakash Mehra, thinks that whatever he will serve on the platter, public will accept. But sorry ROM, I had high hopes from you, you disappointed me. I don't even need to compare Delhi 6 with your previous work viz. Rang De Basanti, Delhi 6 is by itself a disaster.

Abhishekh Bacchan plays Roshan, who is a ABCD. He returns to Delhi with his granny played by Waheeda Rehman, who is counting her last days. They start living in their ancestral house in the old lanes of Delhi 6. The come to Delhi during Raam Leela, and the film ends on dusshera. As the film develops more characters are added to the cast. Some of the shots which capture the spirit of the walled city are really well taken, but this is the better part of the film. If you look at the content of the film in terms of the story, the film is a bore. The story does not go anywhere, rather there is no sense of direction. So ROM becomes the non-director of the film. Why do you need to produce such films Mr. Screwwala?

If you look at all the actors that are the part of the film, they are by themselves great. But with their characters in the story, the entire thing story does not fall into place. The events in the film are themselves non connected to each other and the characters as well. And one of the best actors in the film is the Kala Bandar, who had the potential to make or break the film. Unfortunately, Kala Bandar did break the film.

Mr ROM, I think you had intentions of making the film for fundamentalists on either side of the Hindu-Muslim divide, then you have failed miserably. Another suggestion for the title of the film would be "Religious Fundamentalism for Dummies". But the film fails to convey the message to them. It begs the question to be asked.

जाने किस रंग में रंगे, हमाम में हम सारे नंगे

The hysteria about the kala bandar in masses and the media is common place in these days of the information revolution. To have a look at worst of them, just tune into India TV, by far one of the worst cases of sensationalizing the news that I have seen. Why don't they have a provision for banning such media production houses. Though Mr ROM, you do media bashing in your film, your film itself is no better than the channels that you have bashed.

The character of Roshan is a dumb one. He is really ABCD. If he had died in the film, I am sure he would have got the Darwin Award. For those who don't know or don't want to visit the link Darwin Awards are given to the individuals who have done a great service to the human race, by deleting themselves from the gene pool, by killing themselves in stupid and idiotic ways. So Darwin Awards are given only posthumously. Unfortunately the character of Roshan does not die in the film, so we Indians are depraved from that Award, at least for this film. I think that the Kala Bandar is the residual self image of Roshan's character, which comes out in the end and meets an end. Mr Bacchan Jr, why don't you think about the movies that you work with, wasn't Drona a lesson enough. And as for Sonam Kapoor, babe I am sorry for you, maybe you should consider better roles in your next film. The jodi of Gobar and Jalebi played by Atul Kulkarni and Divya Dutta outperform the rest of the crew, kudos to them.

Anyways the climax is the real anti-climax of the film. Mr ROM why can't you be a bit subtle about the content, I think you don't believe that the viewers of your movie have some analytical capacity, why the hell do we need the narrator to tell what is evident?

Final Rating: 1 out of 5; the music and the posters are much better than the movie itself, be content with that.

पेरु

ती बसस्टॅाप समोर ऊभी होती. सोबत एक मैत्रीणपण होती. अाता ती सोबतची कोण मैत्रीण अाहे की नाही, हे मला कस कळल. म्हणजे मी  काही तिला जाऊन वैगरे विचारले नाही की " अापण दोघी मैत्रीणी अाहात काय ?" म्हणुन. तेवढी अापली हिम्मत असती तर मालक अाम्ही हे असे काही लिहित-बिहित बसलो नसतो. त्या दोघीही पेरु खात होत्या. अर्घा-अर्घा भाग दोघींकडे. त्यामुळे वाटल की त्या मैत्रीणी असाव्यात. अाता खरच असतील की नाही, हे मला माहित नाही. पण मालक हे तुम्ही सिद्ध वा असिद्ध करु शकत नाही. कारण ही गोष्ट फक्त मी पाहिली, म्हणजे अजुनही लोक होते तिथ, पण मी जे पाहिले तेच बघणारे कोणी नाही. अाणि समजा बघितले तरी तिच्या बद्दल लिहणारे तर नाहीच. अाणि ही माझी गोष्ट त्यामुळे माझ अैका. पण ते सोडा. तर सांगायची गोष्ट म्हणजे ही युवती मैत्रीणी सोबत पेरु खात बसस्टॅाप समोर ऊभी होती.

असेल तरी अठरा एकोणीस वर्षांची. कॅालेाजत जात असेल. पाठीला मागे बॅग होती. बसची वाट पाहतांना काहीतरी टाईमपास म्हणून पेरु घेतला असेल, किंवा भुक लागलेली म्हणुन. अाता हे काही मात्र अापल्याला माहित नाही.  दिसायला तशी छानच होती. बऱ्यापैकी गोरी, पण पांढरी फटक नाही. म्हणजे मुबंईकरांच्या भाषेत म्हणायचे झाले तर वाईफ मटेरियल. ती सुंदर असली तरी लक्षात त्यामुळे नाही राहिली. पेरु ती फारच चवीने खात होती. त्यामुळेच ती लक्षात राहिली. शलवार कमीज् घातली होती, इस्त्री, स्टार्च वैगरे केलेली. कपड्याचा रंग वैगरे चांगला होता एकदम गडद हिरवा होता. म्हणजे तिचा कलर सेन्स अापल्याला अावडला. 

तशी ती साधारणपणे माझ्याकडेच बघत होती. मला वाटले की मलाच बघते अाहे. असे बरेचदा वाटत,  . पण नंतर कळले की ती अापल्या पलिकडे बघते अाहे. रसत्याच्या दुसऱ्या बाजुला बघितले तर, तिथे बघण्याजोग काही नव्हते. म्हणजे पुष्कळ माणसे, बिलडिंग वैगरे होती, पण विषेश असे काही नाही. मग मला फार बर वाटल. म्हणजे ही पण अापल्यासारखी दिसण्याच्या पलिकडे पाहण्याचा प्रयत्न करत होती. का म्हणुन अापण जे दुष्टीक्षेपात येईल तेच बघायचे? खर जग तर त्या पलिकडेच. अंधाचें तर संपुर्ण जगच असे. दुष्टीक्षेपा पलिकडे बघण्याची अापली सवय लहाणपणाची. म्हणजे खराब झालेली पीसीबी, स्पेस स्टेशन म्हणुन बघायला अाणि वापरायला, (खेळात का ना असु देत) दुष्टीक्षेपा पलिकडे बघावेच लागणार. तर म्हणजे अापण लहाणपणापासुनच जिथे लोकांना काही दिसत नाही, अशा ठिकाणी जहाजे, विमान, पानबुड्या, स्पेस स्टेशन, मोटारी, रणगाडे, बंदुका, सैनिक ईत्यादी बघायचो. हे फक्त मी बघण्यापुरत नाही तर ते तसेच खेळण्या पर्यंत घेऊन जायचो. कारण हे असे दुष्टीक्षेपा पलिकडेचे जग म्हणजे अापल्या बापाची नव्हे तर अापलीच जागीर असते. तिथले नियम, पात्र, गोष्टी या सर्व अापणच ठरवतो. ते म्हणजे एक जागेपणे पाहिलेले स्वपनच असत. असो.

कन्या मात्र अारामात चव घेत, पण भल्ले मोठे चावे न घेता पेरु खात होती. खाता-खाता कसला-बिसला विचार सुरु होता. पण डोळ्यांमध्ये चमक होती. मस्ती होती. जवानी होती. त्यामुळे लिझा रेची अाठवण झाली. तिचे डोळे पण असेच. मस्तीने भरलेले. मला अावडायचे अाणि अातापण अावडतात. लिझा म्हणजे माझी पहिली क्रश. नुसरत फतेह अली खानच्या अाफरिन-अाफरिन मध्ये तिला पहिल्यांदा पाहिले. नुसरत अाणि िलझा दोघांचाही अायुष्यासाठी फॅन झालो. त्यामुळे प्रत्येक मुली मध्ये लिझाची काही प्रतिमा िदसते का बघतो. याचाच कदाचित परिणाम असेल. तशे या पोरीचे डोळे मोठेच, पण डोळ्यांच्या भोवती काजळ लावल्याने ते अाणखी अाकर्षक वाटत होते. भेदक वाटत होते. मोहक वाटत होते. जर तिने नजर मिळवली असती, तर ती काही मला झेलता अाली नसती. गुगली वैगरे नाही. क्लीन बोल्डच. कारण कोणाचे रुप चोरुन बघणे ही एक प्रकाराची चोरीच झाली. अाणि अापण या बाबत ईतकेपण निर्ल्लज नाही, की चोरी करुन थेट नजर मिळवावी. एकुणतर म्हणजे पोरींची गोष्ट अाली म्हणजे अापण फाटेच. त्यात सुंदर वा अापल्याला अावडणाऱ्या, अोळखीच्या असल्या म्हणजे मिळवली. पण ही तर अापल्याला पुर्णपणे अज्ञात होती. पुढे कुठ भेटण्याचा काहीच स्कोप नव्हता. तरीही भिती का हे कोणास ठाऊक? फ्रॅाईड म्हणतो की जे लोक नजर चुकवतात ते न्युरोटीक असतात. जेव्हा हे मला कळले होते तेव्हा, एखाद पदवी मिळेल ईतका तर नाही, पण त्यापेक्षा थोडाच कमी अानंद मला झाला. पण मग नंतर कळाले की नवद्द टक्के लोक न्युरोटीक असतात तर थोडी निराशाच झाली. च्याअायला म्हणजे अापली या बाबत काही अायडेंटीटीच नाही. मग अापण जगापेक्षा वेगळे तर ते कसे?

पेरुला मीठ किंवा तिखट-मीठ लाालेले असेल. कारण जे पेरुचे छोटेखानी घास ती खात होती, ते खाता-खाता तिच्या चेहऱ्यावरचे भाव अगदी सटलपणे बदलत होते. हे असे भाव फक्त अांबट-गोड खातांनाच येऊ शकतात. हे ती अगदी मन-मोकळेपणाने करत होती. तिला काय माहित माझ्यासारखा कोणी तिच्या या सगळ्या गोष्टी मनातल्या डायरी मध्ये टिपतो अाहे ते. अापणाला कोणी बघत अाहे, हे अापल्याला कळल्यावर अापल बिहेव्हियर बदलत. ते म्हणतात की बघणाऱ्या मुळे लोक कॅानशस होतात. पण हिचे मात्र असे काही नाही. ही तर मनमोकळी. सर्वांच्या देखत, सगळ्यांना दाखवत पेरु खात होती, बेधडक, बेडर. कदाचित कोणी, म्हणजे उदाहर्णार्थ मीच, जर तिच्या पेरु खाण्याकडे टक लावुन बघत अाहे हे तिला कळल असत तर तिची रिएक्शन काय झाली असती हे माहित नाही. कदाचित तिला मजाच अाली असती. म्हणे मुलग्यांनी मुलींकडे बघितल तर ते त्यांना अावडत. अावडत असेल त्यांना, मला तर अावडतच. कदाचित तिला रागही अाला असता. असतात ना काही खडुस मुली. पण त्यांना कदाचित पोरांचा चांगला एक्सपिरीअंस नसावा. असो.

तशी तिची पाठीवरची बॅग छोटीच. म्हणजे बॅग तिच्या बांध्याच्या वळण्याच्या बाहेर दिसत नव्हती. बॅग अाहे हे फक्त दोन्ही खांध्यावरुन अालेल्या पट्यांमुळेच कळत होत.  तशी ती अंगाने फार भरलेली नव्हती. पण राईट मास एट राईट प्लेसेस.म्हणजे हड्डीवर कबाब. डौलदार बांधा. अाणि फिटींगतर छानच. म्हणजे काही ठिकाणी, चवळीच्या शेंगेची उपमा द्यायची ईच्छा होते. असो. पण एकंदर बांधा म्हणजे चांगलाच. बघत राहावा असा. त्यामुळे अापल्याला तिचा ड्रेसिंग सेन्स पण अावडला. जे काही अापण घालतो त्या मध्ये जर अापणच कंफरटेबल नसलो तर कशाला घालावे असे कपडे. अलीकडे मी बऱ्याच मुली बघितल्या ज्यांना फॅशन करायची फार फॅशन. म्हणजे अमुक जण असे कपडे घालत म्हणुन अापण पण घालावे. म्हणजे अापण इन व्होग राहातो. पण जर असे करतांना अापल्या शरीराचा थोडाही भाग दिसायला लागला की तो मात्र लगेच झाकायचा. अाणी त्यातुन जर कोणी अामच्यासारखे त्या थोडया दिसणऱ्या नग्न भागाकडे अॅागल करतांना त्या मुलीने बघितल तर मग झालच. अाता अाम्हीच नालायक अाहे, तर नजर तर तशी राहणारच ना. पण असे करतांना समजा तुम्ही पकडल्या गेलेच तर मात्र, तुमची खैर नाही. ईतक्या रागाने तुमच्याकडे बघतील, की त्या डोळ्यांच्या निखाऱ्यांमुळे तुमच शरीरातल सगळ रक्तच सुकुन जाईल. नाहीतर मग थोडी टी-शर्ट खालीकर, किंवा टॅापचा गळा वर कर, ह्या सगळ्या अॅडजेस्टमेंट सगळा वेळ सुरुच. अशा पोरींना बघितल तर त्या फिड-बॅक लुप्स तर नाही ना, असे वाटत. पण काही पोरी अशा नसतात. म्हणजे अापण जे कपडे घातले अाहे, ते घालुन अापण कसे दिसु, अापले अंगाचा कोणता भाग केवढा एक्सपोज होईल हे त्यांना माहित असत. अाणि या पोरी अामच्यासारख्यांनी त्यांना अॅागल केले तरी कंफरटेबल असतात. त्यांना कदाचित अामच्या सारख्यांची दयाच येत असेल. म्हणजे अशा पोरी एकंदर दयाळुच म्हणायला हव्यात. जर माझ्या शरीराकडे फक्त बघुनच तुम्ही शमणार असाल, तर घ्या खुशाल बघुन. 

अापली कंबर एकीकडे थोडीशी वाकवुन ती ऊभी होती. तिची ती पोज बघुन दगडी लेण्यांमध्ये कोरलेल्या अपसरांची अाली. या लेण्या बनवल्या असतील तेव्हापण अशीच, कोणीतरी डौलदार बांध्याची सुंदरी त्या मुर्तीकाराच्या समोर किंवा मनात असावी. मग ती मुर्ती बनवतांना त्या मुर्तीकाराने अापल्या मनातले तिचे प्रतिबिंब दगडात कोरले. अाणि तो किंवा ती सुंदरी तर नाही पण त्याच्या मनातील तिची ती प्रतिमा, तिचे ते प्रतिबिंब मात्र अमर झाले. म्हणजे अाज इतकी शतके होऊन सुद्धा माझ्यासारखे लोक, व माझ्यानंतर येणारे कित्येक लोक ही त्याच्या (का तिच्या) मनातली कलपना पाहु शकतील. पण अापल्याकडे अशी काही कला-बिला नाही. अामचे विचार, प्रतिमा, प्रतिबिंब म्हणजे अापल्यापुरतेच. जर मला माझ्या मनातले सगळच एक्सप्रेस करता अाले असत तर बातच अौर. पण जाऊ द्या. अाम्ही हे असेच.

एकीकडे वाकुन ऊभी राहिल्याने तिचे तसेही डौलदार कर्वज अजुनच ऊठुन दिसत होते. डावा पाय अाडवा तर उजवा सरळ अशी ती ऊभी होती. हलकी हलकी हलत पण होती. कदाचित कुठले गाणे अाठवत असेल. माहित नाही. डाव्या हातात रुमाल होता. जेव्हा उजवा हात पेरुचा घास घेण्यासाठी अोठंाकडे अाणत होती, तेव्हा नजर पेरुवर नाही. कुठेतरी अौरच. जो पेरुचा थोडा रस बोटंाना लागला होता तो मोठ्या चवीने चाटत होती. अामचा सिग्नल सुटला, मान अगदी तिरपी करुन, डोळे अगदी कोपऱ्यात नेऊन तिच्या त्या मोहक रुपाचे प्रतिबींब अापल्या मनात खोल कुठतरी सेव्ह करण्याचा प्रयत्न करत राहिलो. शटर बंद, एक्सपोजर पुर्ण.

Why?

What was the need of putting me all through these? Why can't be people straight about their feelings about me? If I am f no concern to them they should tell so ... directly. Why crib about it, then make you feel `Oh I am so concerned about you...' all bull shit. Nobody cares, everybody wants their piece of meat and wants to get away... Go away and don't ever come back in my life...

Most of us including me are living a pseudo life.... We don't want to see the `other' side ever... The `other' is not acceptable, hence we twist and turn the reality to such dimensions that it is diametrically opposite to what people other than you are thinking about.

This is a classic Rashomon effect, what ever action you do, good or bad, people tend to put labels on you... And these labels have to have a reason, which these people will only come up with. This is irrespective of whether you originally intended to have that reason or not...

But then as Solaris puts it `There are No Answers, Only Choices,' and this is what people make. They make choices, only choices which can have only superficial reasons. The reasons that seem to be convincing at one point of time, might see m absurd at another. Or even might seem absurd to someone other at the same moment of time. This choice is what determines the future of your outcomes... But to decide what choice is to be made, what are the reasons that one can give?


I really want to